


What He Doesn't Know

by psychicdreamsandangelwings



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: And His Scars, And She's Involved In Everything, Awkward Daryl, Bad Flirting, Beth Is Nosy, Daryl Being A Parent, Daryl Doesn't Like Being Vulnerable, Daryl Has Issues, Daryl's Past, Daryl's Uncomfortable, Fluff, Look It's The Governor, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Nightmares, Self Confidence Issues, Some Non-Sexual Intimacy, intimacy issues, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-03 00:52:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2832242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychicdreamsandangelwings/pseuds/psychicdreamsandangelwings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daryl finished school years ago and he's learned everything he needs to learn to survive, both in the old and new world. So why everyone suddenly feels it's their duty to start teaching him shit about his relationship with Rick and other aspects of his life is beyond him.</p><p>Or the one where Daryl's got some lessons to learn and the prison feels inclined to teach him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Beth and the Art of Flirting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Beth gives Daryl a lesson in flirting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really sure where this idea came from, it just kind of floated into my head one night and stuck there. Thus, this was born.
> 
> Enjoy.

“So," Beth says nonchalantly, and Daryl's fairly certain he ain't gonna like what she's about to say, "when are you and Rick gonna finally fuck?” The question is completely out of the blue, the furthest thing from what Daryl would expect her to say, and Daryl figures he deserves some sort of award for staying upright after she speaks it.

The two of them are sitting together, sorting through all the books in the prison's library. They've been adding to it when they can, and Daryl's pleased to see the collection has grown considerably over the years. He's always liked reading, a lot more than he's ever told anybody. When he was younger he saw reading as an escape from his reality, a way for him to get away from his hellish life. The characters in his books didn't call him every name in the book when they were in a drug induced stupor like his mother, or lash out at him with whatever they could find like his father.

“'scuse me?” Daryl scoffs, dropping the book he was holding as his mouth falls open in shock. Where Beth got the impression he wanted to fuck Rick Grimes Daryl would never know, but he was sure as all get out gonna straighten her out.

Beth just rolls her eyes and clicks her tongue in a way that drives Daryl insane. “Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about, you've basically been in love with him for years now.”

“I don’ know what yer talking 'bout,” Daryl says, praying that his red face isn't gonna give away just how hard he’s blushing. Sure he liked Rick, maybe even loved him, but it was totally in that best-friends-who’d-go-to-the-ends-of-the-earth-to-protect-each-other kind of way, he didn’t _like like_ him. That's crazy.

“Like hell you don’t,” Beth says, jutting out her hip dramatically. Daryl rolls his eyes but he's got to admit, he'd be intimidated by her if he didn't know her so well. “You’re so in love with him it’s impossible to hide it, especially not from me.”

“'m not in love with Rick, and even if I was what makes ya think I’d know the first thing about fuckin' him?” Daryl asks. He feels a little uncomfortable, okay a lot uncomfortable, talking about this subject with a girl who is clearly much younger than him and his unofficial little sister. But Beth was the one to bring it up so Daryl can’t really bother to care at the moment, he just wants to get the topic away from him and Rick having sex.

Beth gives him that look, the one that makes him feel like an absolute idiot for even thinking about arguing with her, and puts a hand on her hip. She looks like a mother scolding her child right now and Daryl can’t say he’s comfortable with that. “It all comes naturally,” she says, like she was an expert on gay porn, “you’d figure it out once you started going.”

Daryl ignores that part, he’s not sure people usually give lessons on sex by saying “you’ll figure it out,” and the last thing he wants to think about is Beth knowing anything about sex. “It don't matter if I like him, which 'm tellin' you once again I don't, Rick ain't gonna be interested in me. Clearly he bats for the other team, evidenced by his two kids and dead wife. Last time I checked, two men can’t reproduce.”

“I know you’re gay,” Beth says, and Daryl damns the alcohol he’d consumed that made him freely admit that one little detail about himself to her, “and I just so happen to know that Rick’s bisexual.”

Daryl’s head shoots up at that, narrowing his eyes as he regards her with a closed off look. “What makes ya say that?”

“Seriously Daryl? It’s obvious, plus he told me,” Beth says, and Daryl’s really starting to wonder just how in the hell she knew so much about everyone in the prison.

“Rick told ya he’s bi?” Daryl says, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, the conversation came up when we had to throw out that homophobic bastard after he attacked Nate. Somehow he and I got to talking about sexuality and our stance on the subject. He told me I’d be pretty hypocritical if he disliked someone based on who they love on account of him being bisexual,” Beth says, and Daryl’s so shocked he can hardly stand it. Somehow “Rick’s bisexual” has never crossed his mind, not that he cares obviously. It was just a little surprising.

“Oh come on, are you really telling me you had no idea? Not even an inkling of thought?” Beth asks, and Daryl must look pretty damn convincing because she just sighs. “I swear Daryl, your gaydar is way off.”

"I haven’t exactly had the chance to hone the abilities bein' gay comes with,” Daryl says, only half joking. He hasn't done anything with anyone and he don't know the first thing about being with a man.

Beth just shrugs her shoulders and goes back to sorting the books in the library.

“'sides even if I liked Rick, which 'm totally not sayin' I do,” Daryl says as he comes to the conclusion that he’s sick and tired of those words leaving his lips, “I wouldn' even know how ta bring the topic up."

“It’s called flirting,” Beth says. “It’s how most people begin their relationships.”

“I can hardly hold an ordinary conversation, ya really think I know how ta flirt?” Daryl asks, regretting the statement almost immediately as it slips out of his mouth.

“Daryl, girls practically flock at your feet. You get people hot and bothered no body's business, how can you tell me you've never filtered?” she says, and Daryl scowls at her.

“I’ve never had the opportunity," Daryl says blushing furiously. He ducks his head, trying to hide his red cheeks. Nobody's ever taken an interest in him, he's got no idea what Beth's talking about.

Beth seems generally surprised by this and Daryl doesn't understand why. He’s not exactly the most attractive man alive. His hair is always greasy, he can hardly stand the touch of anyone, and he’s not exactly the best conversationalist, none of which make good boyfriend material. “I can’t believe you've never flirted before."

Daryl’s blushing so hard he probably looks like a freaking ripe tomato ready to be picked, which only adds further embarrassment. “S'not funny okay,” Daryl growls, crossing his arms over his chest. He knew this was a bad idea, letting this slip to Beth.

“Daryl Dixon are you pouting?” Beth asks, raising an eyebrow, and Daryl scowls at her. He loves this girl to death, but he couldn't deny the fact that half the time he wanted to strangle her.

“I don’t pout,” Daryl says with a pout that only defeats the entire purpose of his statement.

Beth just rolls her eyes. “Okay, whatever you say Daryl. You’re not pouting, but I’m still going to teach you how to flirt.”

“Teach me how ta what?” Daryl says, regarding the girl with disdain in his eyes.

“I swear,” Beth says, sitting down next to Daryl. “You’re impossible. I’m gonna teach you how to flirt, that way you can finally pick up Rick and stop pussy footing around him.”

Daryl groans and tries to stand up, only to be yanked back down by Beth. Daryl knows leaving isn't going to do anything, only make her follow him around all day pestering him, so he settles down, ready for whatever the fuck Beth thought she could teach him.

“Who’d ‘a thought I’d be the one to teach you something, huh?” Beth asks, and Daryl only groans. This girl was gonna be the death of him, he’s sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've planned this story out so that there'll be a chapter on the "lesson" Daryl learned, followed by a chapter of him enacting that lesson. For instance, this chapter was Beth teaching Daryl to flirt and next chapter will be Daryl trying to flirt.
> 
> Come find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/starkidjoshler)


	2. The Unexpected Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Daryl tries to flirt and fails miserably.

Daryl’s just come back from a run and he’s decided he’s gonna do it, he’s gonna try and flirt with Rick. Not that he necessarily wants to, he’s still pretty sure Rick’s gonna laugh in his face the second Daryl opens his mouth, but Beth’s been nagging him since the encounter in the library and he’s getting really tired of her constant presence. He loves Beth, he’d give his life for her without a second thought, but he was tired of hearing her say “stop being a pussy Daryl, be a man.” What the fuck did Beth know about being a man anyway?

Daryl heads out of the prison and towards the fields where he knows Rick’s working, he's always in those damn fields of his. He looks down at the bag he’s got in his hand and for a second he contemplates going back inside and just forgetting the whole thing, he'd get used to Beth's nagging. Eventually she'd get over it, move on to something else, and Daryl could prevent the possible fallout of trying to flirt with Rick. Everyone wins.

But then a surge of courage, Daryl has no idea where the hell it even came from, comes over him and his features still. Beth was right, he needed to stop being a pussy and get on with it. He tightens his grip on the strap in his hand and takes a deep breath before he makes his way towards Rick. If Rick rejects him it won’t be much of a surprise, Daryl’s sure he’s going to anyway, and eventually he'll get over it. Probably. 

Beth and Judith are there with him, helping him tend to the garden. Rick’s on his knees, showing Judith what parts of the plants she should pull and what plants she shouldn't. She’s only five but she’s already taken a liking to helping Rick work the fields, something that Daryl knows makes Rick happy. It doesn't matter if it's the zombie apocalypse or not, a parent still gets pride when their kid takes a liking to what they do. Rick's shirt is soaked in sweat, sticking to his skin in a way that outlines all of his muscles, and Daryl has to swallow back a grunt of appreciation. Who knew seeing Rick sweaty and on his knees could be such a turn on?

Beth looks up when she hears footsteps and her face breaks out into a grin. She gives him that look, that look that just screams _finally_ , and Daryl scowls at her. Judith and Rick don’t see the exchange between him and Beth, too busy looking down at the garden, and Daryl’s thankful for that. 

Daryl makes a noise and Rick turns around at the sound, face breaking out into a smile when he sees Daryl. Rick stands up, brushing the dirt off his hands, and takes a few steps so he’s standing next to Daryl. “Hey Daryl, everything okay?”

Daryl swallows, suddenly more nervous than he’s ever been in his life and he nods. “Yeah, yeah,” he says and he’s sure he looks the furthest thing from okay right now. His palms are sweaty, his heart is beating harder than it’s ever before, and all he wants to do is turn around and run.

“Daryl!” Judith says excitedly once she finally realizes he's there, jumping at him with absolutely no warning. Daryl figures if he wasn't so used to it he wouldn't have caught her in time, but Judith does this every time Daryl shows up and he catches her effortlessly. “Are we gonna go look for bunnies?”

“Maybe later, kid,” Daryl says with a small smile despite the fact that his insides feel like they’re trying to escape out his throat. “I gotta talk ta yer Daddy.”

“Come on Judith,” Beth says, taking the energetic five year old from Daryl. “How ‘bout we go color for a little bit, let them have their talk?”

“Okay,” Judith says, smiling as Beth sets her down and takes her hand. “Promise we’ll look for bunnies later?”

"Yeah,” Daryl says, pressing a kiss against the top of her head. “I promise.”

With Daryl’s promise, Judith goes with Beth willingly. After a couple of feet, Beth turns around to look at Daryl. Rick’s back’s turned so he can’t see her as she waggles her eyebrows and winks at him. Daryl’s lips twitch into another scowl, which doesn't seem to affect Beth at all, and his eyebrows narrow. This was already hard enough without her making everything ten times worse.

“Are you sure everything’s okay?” Rick asks, looking at Daryl with worry in his eyes. “You seem a little off.”

“Yeah,” Daryl says, shifting in place slightly. He catches sight of the bag in his hand and Beth’s advice from a couple of days ago echo in his head, _get him something nice._ Daryl thinks it can’t hurt any to show him what he’s got. “I just, well, I got ya somethin'.”

Rick takes the bag and opens it, face instantly lighting up when he sees what’s inside. Rick takes out a couple of packages of seeds and a small bag of manure. It’s not much, but it’s all he could find, it's not like he can pop down to the local walmart and find him something nice.

Rick’s been doing most of this with nothing but a few tools, he wants to try and make his job a little bit easier and he figured Rick would appreciate something useful. Daryl’s sure Beth would make the comment that a bag of glorified shit and some seeds that may or may not actually grow isn't very romantic but if Daryl’s gonna do this he’s gonna do it his way, Beth's opinion be damned.

“This is great,” Rick says, looking up at Daryl with a bright smile. Daryl knows the gesture isn't romantic, most wouldn't see it as anything but a small gesture from one friend to the other, but he knows it’s absolutely worth it if it’s gonna make Rick’s face light up like that. “Thanks Daryl.”

“It’s nothin',” Daryl says, running a hand nervously over the back of his neck. _Compliment him, even men like compliments every once in a while._ “I mean, yer a good farmer and shit but everyone can use a lil' help from time to time.”

Rick smiles and Daryl’s just glad he hasn't fucked this up yet. “Thanks again, Daryl, this couldn't have been easy to find.”

“It wasn't that big of a deal,” Daryl says, and he swallows again.  _Really Daryl, is that what you call a compliment? You’re a good farmer sounds like something you’d say in grade school, compliment the man._ Beth's voice, or at least what he'd imagine she'd be saying right now, echoes in his head and Daryl silently curses. This isn't helping him any.

“Has anyone told ya-” you've got gorgeous eyes, Daryl finishes in his head. He tries to make his mouth work, tries to get the entire sentence out so Rick can hear it, but his throat's chocked up and he can’t seem to make his vocal cords work at all.

“Told me what?” Rick asks, and Daryl knows he can’t say it. It's too girly, that ain't him. Plus he knows Rick would laugh if he said something like that and he doesn't think he can take his ridicule, even if it's lighthearted.

“You've got a little dirt on your cheek,” Daryl says, gesturing to his cheek where the supposed imaginary dirt is. “Thought you should know.”  _Daryl what the fuck are you doing._

Rick’s eyebrow raises and Daryl can tell he can see right through him, Rick’s always been able to see right through him. Rick swipes at his cheek a few times. “Better?”

Daryl can’t say anything, too afraid his voice is just going to come out a terrified squeak, so he nods. God he was such a pussy. ' _Touch him, touching’s always a good way to get your point across,'_ one of Beth's tips sounds in his head.

“Actually no,” Daryl says, lifting his hand towards Rick’s face. “I lied, ya missed some.” Daryl’s lying through his teeth, there’s not a speck of dirt on Rick’s perfect face, and he and Rick both know it.

Daryl goes to run a thumb across Rick’s cheek but ends up misjudging the movement and accidentally pokes him in the eye. “Jesus, 'm sorry. Fuck, this was a horrible idea. 'm sorry, 'm gonna go before I fuck up even more. Damn it.”

Daryl turns around, he can feel his face heating up and he’s never been so embarrassed in his life. Not only has he just made a fool of himself in front of Rick, but there’s a good chance he’s going to lose one of the most important people in his life once Rick realizes why Daryl’s been acting so odd.

“Daryl,” Rick says, reaching out to grip Daryl’s wrist. Daryl freezes, unable to move as heat spreads throughout his body. He was so embarrassed he’s not sure if he’ll ever be able to face Rick again. “Hey.” Rick tugs on his arm, making it so that Daryl’s got to turn around and face him.

Daryl turns around and expects to be met with a look of disgust, of anger, of confusion. But instead, something so unexpected happens Daryl’s surprised he doesn't fall over from shock. Rick kisses him, _Rick fucking Grimes kisses him,_ and Daryl’s not sure what he’s even supposed to do. It’s nothing big, just a gentle peck of the lips, but he’s so confused he doesn't know where to begin to sort through his emotions.

“Too forward?” Rick asks, and for the first time in his life Daryl sees Rick unsure. He decides right then and there he doesn't like it, really doesn't like that look on Rick’s face, and he’s gonna do everything he has to to make that look disappear.

Daryl can’t speak, can’t move, can’t do anything. All he can manage is a shell shocked look and an awkward, “huh?”

“Beth told me,” Rick says, and Daryl’s not the least bit surprised when those words escape him. Of course Beth would tell Rick what’s going on, _it’s Beth._ “I was gonna make my move, but she said it was important that you did this yourself. Somethin' 'bout a lesson you needed to learn.”

“I don’t know what ta say,” Daryl says, mouth opening and closing again in shock.

“Then don’t say anything,” Rick says.

Rick rests a hand on Daryl’s cheek for a few seconds before he presses their lips together again. This time it’s different, Daryl’s expecting it and he’s actually able to reciprocate it. Rick’s tongue flicks over Daryl’s lips and his knees go weak. It’s the best thing Daryl’s ever experienced and he knows he sure as hell owes Beth an apology.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was actually kind of fun to write, even if it could have been better.
> 
> Come find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/starkidjoshler)


	3. Maggie and the Art of Intimacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Maggie gives Daryl a lesson in intimacy.

Daryl’s jealous, at least he’s fairly certain that’s what he’s feeling right now. Really, there’s no other way to describe it. His stomach is rolling and he can't take his eyes off of the source of the feeling, if that's not jealousy then he doesn't know what is. Not that he's ever been jealous before. Growing up he never cared about what others had, simply because getting jealous never did anything but make matters worse. People always had better lives than him. He had a dead mom, a brother who was in and out of prison so many times it made his head spin, and a father who drank and beat him until he passed out from exhaustion. His life was hell, but whining and feeling jealous of what other people had wasn't going to accomplish anything.

That's why this is so foreign to him. For the first time Daryl sees something that he wants, something that he  _truly wants._ He's sitting against the wall with his crossbow propped up against his knees, mindlessly whittling a chunk of wood he'd found in the woods. Glenn and Maggie, the source of his jealousy, are across the room from him, as in love as they've ever been.

He's not jealous of them per se, it's not that he's pining over one of them or anything like that. He's more than happy with what he's got going with Rick. It's just, he's jealous of how  _easy_  everything is for them. Glenn can brush his fingers across Maggie’s face, Maggie can lean into his side with a smile on her face, their hands can find their place clasped within each other. They’re so…  _intimate,_ he wants that more than he’s ever wanted anything in his life but he knows he'll never get it and it's entirely his fault.

Daryl figures that a big part of everything is how long they've been together, but he's seen brand new couples show more intimacy in a day than him and Rick have shown in an entire month. He and Rick have been together for over a month now and the most intimate they've been with each other is that day Daryl had tripped, knocked himself out, and woken up in his cell with Rick sitting next to him.

He wishes that he wasn't so fucked up, wishes he'd had a childhood that hadn't fucked up his ability to be intimate with the guy he likes, wishes he didn’t flinch whenever anyone moved too quickly, wishes he could touch Rick and have Rick touch him without panicking like a five year old coming into contact with a complete stranger. He was gonna screw this relationship up, like he screwed everything up, before it even had the chance to begin. 

Glenn whispers into Maggie’s ear, making her laugh and playfully slap his arm. They're adorable, and, even though Daryl's happy they've been able to find someone who makes them so happy, it just makes everything so much worse. Rick deserves someone who can show him how they feel about him, not someone as damaged as he was.

Daryl sighs heavily and stands up, shouldering his crossbow as he sheaths his knife and slips the hunk of wood into his pocket. Maggie's giving him this look, a look that reminds him so much of Beth it scares him, but he doesn't give her the chance to say anything. He heads out of the room and towards the prison's main entrance. He knows he's scheduled for a watch soon, there's no harm in relieving Tyreese now.

* * *

Daryl’s been up in the tower for a few hours when he hears light footsteps coming up the steps. Daryl’s an expert tracker and he's been with this people for a long time, he knows who's who just by the sound of their footsteps. Maggie's coming up to pay him a visit, he's sure of it.

Sure enough, not even five seconds later Maggie makes her entrance with a casual, “Hey.”

Daryl doesn't turn around, just keeps looking out the window. “It’s not your turn for watch,” Daryl says. He feels like his voice came out more hostile than he meant it and he instantly feels bad. He's not mad at Maggie, not even remotely. He just wishes he had the ability to be more like her when it came to intimacy.

“I know," she says, sitting down along the wall on the left side of him. "Thought you could use some company."

Daryl shrugs, indifferent. It didn’t matter to him none if Maggie was there or not.

"You looked a little off earlier," Maggie says, and Daryl pretends she hadn't sad anything. He doesn't want to talk about this, he really doesn't want to talk about this right now. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah," Daryl says. He fights the urge to bite his nails. He only does that when he's extremely nervous or uncomfortable, Maggie would pick up on that right away. "Everythin's good." That sounds like a lie even to Daryl, he knows Maggie doesn't buy it for a second.

The room is quiet for a few seconds before Maggie speaks up again. “So Beth told me,” she says. "About you and Rick, 'bout time really. Hope you don't mind that I know."

“It ain't a secret,” Daryl says, absentmindedly tapping his fingers against the metal chair he’s sitting in. “I don’t care who knows.”

Daryl isn't lying that time, this thing between him and Rick really isn't a secret. He doesn't give a rat’s ass about what anyone thinks about him, people will think what they want no matter what he does. He doesn't have anyone to impress. Given the way Rick and Daryl have been acting around each other, as if nothing has changed, it wouldn't surprise him if nobody picks up on their relationship.

Maggie’s quiet for a few seconds before she speaks again. “You say that, but you don't act like a couple. Beth says you've been together for nearly two months now, but you haven't done anything to suggest you're in a relationship. I thought that was because you didn't want people to know about it, I came up here to tell you no one's gonna give a shit what you two are doing. After everything we've been through, if anyone gives you shit they'll have to come through me," Maggie says with a twitch of her lips, letting Daryl know she's only joking. 

Daryl doesn't speak, just stares out the window. He's been staring at the same spot since Maggie's come up to the guard tower. "It's not easy for me," Daryl says after a few minutes of complete silence.

"What?" Maggie asks. "Intimacy?"

“If yer gonna laugh ya can leave,” Daryl says, clenching his fist tightly. He already feels enough like an incompetent moron, he doesn't need Maggie’s laughter to remind him of it.

“Why would I laugh?” she asks, completely serious. “Daryl, having problems with intimacy is absolutely normal.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Daryl asks, turning to Maggie before he continues. “Me and Rick have been datin' for nearly two months now and 'm still havin' problems with this shit. Interactin' with him was never a problem before, but now that we’re together its different and I hate it. We've kissed a few times, but other than that nothing has happened. I feel like a complete idiot, I don't even know what our relationship is anymore or what 'm s'posed to be doing. I've never done this before.”

Maggie doesn't say anything, her mouth doesn't expel laughter and she doesn't act like she's judging him, and Daryl’s more than a little confused. “I could give you some pointers, tips to make it easier that have worked for me in the past and with Glenn, if that’s what you want. But Daryl, you can’t rush things like this. You do what you’re comfortable with and only when you’re comfortable with it, don’t go past your comfort zone because it’ll just cause more problems than none. Relationships are hard, for everyone. You shouldn't be ashamed simply because you don't know what you're doing.”

“What if I never get the hang of this,” Daryl says. “What if our relationship never progresses and Rick finally decides he’s done dealing with a fuck up.”

“That man is so in love with you Daryl, it’s almost sickening. He’s not gonna jump to the next willing body, that’s definitely not how Rick functions. You know that,” Maggie says, and Daryl’ll admit that she’s got a point.

The room is quiet for a few seconds, both of them not sure what to say, before Maggie speaks up. “I’ve always had problems opening up and being intimate, starting a relationship with Glenn was really hard for me.”

“Didn't ya guys fuck in a general store or some shit?” Daryl says, trying not to smile. Glenn had told him a long time ago about how Maggie and him had gotten together, Daryl had laughed so hard he almost broke a rib.

Thankfully Maggie finds his statement amusing, not insulting, and she laughs. “Sex? That’s the easy part, at least for most people,” Maggie adds when she sees the look on Daryl’s face.

"We had sex first, which was easy. The aftermath? Not so much. Opening up, being vulnerable, allowing someone in, it can be mindboggling,” she says, twirling the wedding ring she’s got on her left hand around her finger.

“When you’re having sex you do what comes natural, what feels right. It’s everything else that’s hard. It’s never easy, especially for someone who’s got a bad past,” Maggie says. Daryl doesn't say anything but it definitely sounds like she’s got personal experience with stuff like that, like she's talking about more than just his past.

“But it’s definitely worth it. Don’t move any faster than you’re comfortable with Daryl, that’s all you need to know about intimacy. Talk to Rick about it, he can help more than I can. Just take your time, you'll get there when you’re ready,” she says.

Daryl’s lips twitch into a smile. He’ll never admit this, not to anyone, but Maggie’s little intervention helped. “Thanks Mags,” he says.

Maggie shrugs, smiling. “What can I say, I give great advice.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/starkidjoshler)


	4. This Relationship Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Daryl tries to talk to Rick about his issues.

A couple of days after Daryl's talk with Maggie, he finally gathers up enough courage to broach the topic to Rick. He can't stop thinking about this whole intimacy thing, it's starting to drive him insane, and he knows the only way he's going to be able to move on is if he actually man's up and talks to him. Otherwise he's just going to drive himself crazy thinking about it and snap.

Now that Daryl's decided to talk to Rick, he's just gotta find the right time to bring it up. He finally sees an opportunity when Michonne takes Carl out to check the snares. Rick's the only one in the fields right now, working away on those damn vegetables of his, and even though there's really no telling how long the two of them will have privacy he knows that if he waits any longer he'll end up chickening out.

Daryl makes his way outside and over to where Rick's got his mini farm set up. He's halfway across the field when Rick catches sight of him, face lighting up like he's just gotten the best news of his life. It takes a few seconds for Daryl to realize he's looking at him, that that reaction was because he's caught sight of him. No one's ever looked at him like that, like he's the only thing worth looking at, and he can't stop his cheeks from heating up.

"Hey," Rick says as Daryl stops in front of him. "What's up?"

Daryl shrugs and kicks at a rock absentmindedly. "Just wondering what you're up to."

Daryl can tell Rick doesn't buy it, but he doesn't say anything and Daryl's glad. Now that he's here he has no idea how to bring up the subject and he's not sure if he even should. He knows he'll look like a damn fool when he finally mentions it, Rick might even break out laughing, and that's something Daryl would like to avoid at all cost.

Rick looks at him for a few seconds and Daryl knows he can totally see right through him, Rick's always had that special ability, but he doesn't pry. Rick knows Daryl better than anyone and he can clearly tell when he's not in the mood to talk. "Same ol' same," Rick says, gesturing at the open field. "You wanna help?" Rick asks and Daryl nods.

Rick shows him what he’s been working on, pointing out what crop is what as he explains how he goes about taking care of them. Daryl never realized just how much work Rick actually puts into this little project of his and he has a newfound respect for him and this field of his. Soon enough Daryl’s on his knees next to him, pulling up weeds like he’s been doing this for years. It's oddly relaxing, the repetitive motion, and Daryl finds he actually enjoys doing it, something he had never thought he'd ever say.

They work in silence for a few minutes before Rick starts talking, just random topics that don’t really mean much of anything, and Daryl finds himself relaxing even more. He’s laughing, having a great time, and Daryl can physically feel the weight he’s been carrying slip off his shoulders. He forgets about all his anxiety and let’s himself get lost in the time he’s spending with Rick. He’s never been so relaxed in his life.

An hour or so later the sky starts to darken and the temperature starts to cool, signaling the start of a cold night. He knows they should probably head inside now, it won't be long before it's too dark to see in front of them, and Daryl would be lying if he said he wasn't disappointed. He'd enjoyed this, being out here with Rick, and he doesn't want it to end.

“We should prob'bly go,” Daryl says, a little reluctantly, standing up as he brushes the dirt off his hands. “It’s late.”

Rick nods and stands up, looking over at Daryl. Daryl starts to get self-conscious when Rick's gaze falls on him and everything that’d been bugging him these past few days comes at him full force. Rick can easily sense that something’s off and Daryl knows he's not just going to brush it aside this time.

"Hey," Rick says, ducking his head to catch Daryl's eyes. "Are we okay?"

"Yeah," Daryl says, trying to smile even though his breathing is getting rougher and it feels like someone's got a tight grip on his lungs. "It's just, I don't know. I know 'm shit at this whole relationship thing, 'specially when it comes to intimacy, 'm really shit at intimacy, and if ya wanna call it quits I'll totally understand. 'm not exactly easy to be with, I wouldn't blame ya. Jus', if this ain't workin', tell me now 'cause I don't wanna get even more attached only to find out you've been upset with me this entire time 'cause I can't do shit right."

Rick's quiet for a few seconds, which only makes Daryl's anxiety even worse, and Daryl's sure he's going to kick him to the curb right then and there. He wouldn't be surprised, after all he had been suspecting this from the moment the relationship had begun, he just didn't think it was going to hurt like this.

“Daryl," Rick says finally and Daryl prepares himself for heartbreak. He can handle this, he'll get over it just like he's gotten over everything else and eventually he'll be get better. Right?

"Relationships," Rick continues, choosing his words carefully, "aren't easy, no matter who it’s with. It's okay not to understand everythin' that's goin' on, to not know how to move forward. That's normal. I don’t care if we have to take things slow, I’ll be happy to do what makes you feel comfortable because all I want is to for you to be happy,” Rick says and Daryl’s not sure he can even look at Rick right now he’s so damn embarrassed.

“Look at me,” Rick says, and Daryl reluctantly looks up. “You say you’re shit at intimacy but intimacy is just being close to someone, spending time with them. There’s not specific parameters that define what it is. You don’t have to be all over each other to be intimate. This," Rick gestures to the two of them standing in Rick's field, "being close to each other like this, is intimacy, and I’m fine with it. I’m not gonna force you into anything you aren't ready for, 'specially not something like this. Whatever you're comfortable with I'll do.”

“Are ya sure yer okay with this?” Daryl asks, running a hand through his hair. “I know that’s what yer thinking, but I don’t think you get jus' how fucked up I am. It might take me a while to get used to this… relationship thing.”

“I’m okay with that,” Rick says, running a hand down Daryl’s arm. “I’m okay with it, really, don’t ever doubt that. We take this thing slow, see where it ends up. I’m a very patient man.”

The corner of Daryl’s lips twitch into a smile and that causes Rick to smile as well. “Now, let’s go inside. I’m starving.”

Daryl smirks and the two of them walk inside together, close enough so that their arms brush against each other every few steps. Maybe this thing would work out after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/starkidjoshler)


	5. Carol and the Art of Vulnerability/Self-Confidence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Carol gives Daryl a lesson in vulnerability and self-confidence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally this was supposed to be strictly a lesson in vulnerability, but after I wrote this chapter I realized it'd work well with self-confidence as well so I just combined them.

Rick and Daryl are lying in bed together, lips and tongues crashing together as fiery hot need flows through them. Daryl’s on top of Rick, their firm bodies slotted up against each other like they’re a perfect fit, and Rick doesn't seem to mind the position at all. In fact Daryl’s fairly certain Rick’s enjoying being under him just as much, if not more, than Daryl’s enjoying being on top of him, something he’s entirely grateful for. Daryl’s not sure he can handle being caged in right now without invoking a panic attack, especially when this whole experience is new to him.

Rick bucks his hips up before he brings them back down, hard cock rubbing against his, and Daryl whimpers, actually fucking _whimpers._ He knows he would mortified for making such a vulnerable sound if he wasn't so fucking turned on right now. He’s harder than he’s ever been, the fact that Rick’s sweaty body and farming musk is a goddamned turn on for him only adds to this aspect, and all he wants right now is to give Rick the best night of his life. He deserves at least that much since there's not much Daryl can offer him.

It’s been a couple of months since the two of them had officially began their relationship and, though this isn't the first time they've committed to hot and heavy make out sessions, it’s the first time they've ever done anything like what they're doing now and aryl has to admit, he wants stuff like this to happen more often. It’s better than he could ever imagine, lying on top of Rick like this, and everything is going so good he doesn't want to fuck it up.

“Daryl,” Rick breathes out, his name coming out in the form of a desperate moan. He grips Daryl’s hips tightly, thumb nudging his shirt aside so he can get at bare skin, and digs his fingernails painfully into the soft flesh of Daryl's hips. Daryl suddenly can’t think straight, Rick's actions have him that hot and bothered. He knows there’s a thin line that separates pain and pleasure but Daryl never knew pain could be such a turn on for him, even if it’s only tiny pinpricks that only begin to scratch the itch of need that’s boiling inside of him.

Rick’s eyes are glossy, hot arousal clearly showing in his blown irises, and Daryl has to bite back another whimper. Knowing that Rick’s this turned on, knowing that he’s this turned on because of _him,_ is possibly the hottest thing he’s ever experienced. The fact that he can get Rick to fall apart under his hands, to feel so much and yet not enough at the same time, is exhilarating. 

Daryl presses his face against the smooth stretch of skin where Rick’s shoulder meets his neck and inhales the aroma that is specifically unique to him. Rick bucks against him again, hands roaming down to grip his ass, and bites a harsh bruise into the skin underneath his ear. Rick’s hands and mouth lavish over his body, hitting all the sweet spots he never knew he had, and Daryl’s surprised he hasn't creamed his jeans yet. It’s been so long since they've had sex with anyone, something that affects Rick more than it affects Daryl, and the fact that Rick’s willing to go slow is a testament to just how much he cares.

“Rick,” Daryl groans, face pressed tightly against Rick’s neck, toes curling tightly in his socks as Rick bucks up against him.

“Jesus, baby,” Rick says, licking the dark bruise he had just etched into Daryl’s skin only moments before. “Do you even know how beautiful you are, do you know what you do to me? Gonna make you feel so good, make you cream those jeans of yours like a horny teenager who’s aching to be touched.”

Rick takes Daryl’s hand in his and guides it to their cocks, bulges flushed firmly against their too tight jeans as they expand to accommodate their erections. While one hand guides Daryl’s hand to their crotches, the other one slowly starts to explore the rest of Daryl’s body. His hand roams up and down Daryl’s legs, causing the man to shiver, as far as they go before they start traveling upward.

Everything freezes when Rick’s hand makes his way under Daryl’s shirt, freezing cold hand brushing against the many scars Daryl’s father had etched into his back. The skin is a canvas of pain and suffering and all it does is remind Daryl of how much of a coward he was back then. He’s nothing but a fuck up, he couldn’t even protect himself from his alcoholic father, and now that Rick knows about the scars on his back he’s going to hate him and call him a coward.

“I’m sorry,” Daryl says, rolling off of Rick. He shoves his feet into the boots he had discarded on the floor, fixes his vest so his scars are hidden once again, and grabs his crossbow.

“Jesus,” Rick says, standing up quickly. “Daryl, you shouldn't be sorry. It’s my fault, I shouldn't have moved so fast.”

“It’s not,” Daryl says, pushing past Rick. “Ya deserve someone better than me, someone who can give ya what ya need. 'm just a fuck up nobody wants. I’ll get out of yer hair now, it'll save ya the trouble of havin' to come up with a convincin' lie that'll make me leave.”

Daryl runs out of their cell, heading to the door that’s closest to the watch tower, completely ignoring Rick’s frantic calls behind him. Rick’s probably pissed, after all Daryl had ruined his first chance of getting laid in over a year, and Daryl won’t be able to stand the look of disappointment Rick’s bound to send his way.

He’s gonna find him disgusting, gonna break up with him and cut all ties he’s got to the archer. After all, who wants to deal with a fuck up like Daryl Dixon when there’s other options out there, options that are much prettier and come with less baggage?

Daryl makes his way towards the guard tower. Looking back he’s glad to see Rick’s no longer following him, it means he’s given up for the time being and Daryl will have a chance to gather his thoughts together.

Glenn and Maggie are in the tower when Daryl heads up. He knows they’re probably confused and want some answers as to why Daryl’s trying to take over a watch he’s not scheduled for but that don’t push it. They can tell Daryl needs his space to think and they’re not going to ruin that by trying to convince him to step down.

They leave Daryl sitting there in silence, with nothing but his own self-loathing and a nearly broken fold up chair to keep him company. Daryl runs his fingers through his hair, pulling tightly at the short strands of dark hair, before he lets out a loud curse. Everything was going so good, so fucking good, and he had ruined it like he ruins everything. Rick’s the best thing that’s ever happened to him, and now he’s going to lose that.

* * *

Daryl’s only been on watch for an hour when he hears footsteps coming up the ladder that leads to the guard tower. At first Daryl thinks it’s Rick coming up those steps and a spike of dread spirals through him. But as the footsteps get closer he realizes they’re much too light to belong to Rick. They’re soft and the shoes don’t make a pounding sound as they climb the steps, they belong to Carol.

Sure enough, a few seconds later it’s Carol who steps through the cutaway door in the floor. It’s obvious Daryl’s spent a lot of time with this group if he can recognize them by their footsteps. He doesn't greet her and he knows it’s a dick move, but he’s really not in the mood to talk right now.

“Wanna explain to me why Rick just sought me out, begging me to come talk to you?” Carol asks. Her tone makes her sound like she’s scolding a young child and Daryl’s not sure if he should be amused or angry.

“Rick felt my scars,” Daryl says, looking down at his feet. Not only does it sound like Carol’s scolding a child but Daryl feels like a child being scolded by his mother. “It won’t be long before he ends this relationship, I’ve never been good enough for him and I never will be. At least now he'll understand why.”

A few seconds go by without Carol speaking and Daryl looks up just in time to see Carol throw the paperback book she had been carrying at Daryl’s head. “Put yourself down one more time and see what happens,” Carol says, bending down to retrieve the book she had just thrown. “You deserve everything you've ever wanted and more.”

“Rick deserves someone who’s not broken and fucked up inside,” Daryl says, twirling his thumbs together as his mind starts to wander. “He deserves someone much better than me.”

“Pretty sure Rick’s in charge of what he thinks he deserves, not you, and obviously he thinks he deserves you, which he does. Rick’s a good guy who's been through a lot of shit,” Carol says, “and he deserves the best of the best, meaning he deserves you.”

“But-” Daryl starts, only to be cut off by Carol’s next words.

“Listen to me and listen very carefully,” she says, kneeling down in front of Daryl, “because I’m only going to say this once and I want it to stick. You’re not a fuck up, you’re not some worthless piece of trash you think’s been discarded simply because its past has come forward.”

Daryl doesn't know what to say and he’s pretty sure Carol will slap him if he tries to intervene so he decides to just keep his mouth shut and let her talk.

“Rick loves you, I love you, and I’m telling you right now if you ever put yourself down in front of us again, I will throw more than just a book at you. You deserve better than this self-loathing act you've got going on,” Carol says, and her voice is so compelling Daryl almost believes it.

“Some people have shitty pasts, me included, but we can’t let that define us. You’re more than a broken kid with an abusive father, Daryl, and there’s absolutely nothing that you can say that will justify your opinion,” Carol says, forcing Daryl to look her in the eyes so she can make sure her message sticks.

“Your confidence is shit because of what’s been done to you and you have problems being vulnerable around the person you love, that’s normal. But next time you feel like this, don’t run off. Rick thinks he did something wrong, he thinks he’s driven you away from him.”

“That’s ridiculous!” Daryl says, voice growing in volume. “Rick’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, there’s no way in hell I’d ever willingly leave him. No matter what happens.”

“That’s exactly what he’d say if he heard you talking bad about yourself,” Carol says. Daryl wants to come up with something to justify what he feels to be true but nothing comes to mind. He knows Rick loves him and he knows he’d be feeling the same way.

“I guess yer right,” Daryl says softly, not expanding on the subject any.

“Of course I'm right. Now that we’re on the same page you’re going to get up, march your ass down to where Rick’s at, and the two of you are going to talk about what happened,” Carol says and Daryl can tell she won’t give him any other choice. “That’s the only way to fix this thing between you two and I’m not going to let you ruin the best thing that’s ever happened to you because you’re too damn stubborn to talk to your man.”

“You ain't my mother,” Daryl says, teasingly, the subject going from serious to playful in a matter of seconds. It's the only way Daryl can deal with a situation like this. He's never been good with anything to do with emotions, it's always best if he treats it as less than what it actually is.

“Maybe not, but somebody’s got to look after you from time to time. Now go,” Carol says, pressing her lips against the top of Daryl’s head, “before I drag you there myself.”

Carol pulls Daryl to his feet and pushes him softly towards the watchtower exit. And he thought Beth was pushy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/starkidjoshler)


	6. Rick's worth it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Daryl comes to a realization about Rick's touch.

Though Carol had pushed Daryl towards talking to Rick right away, it takes him a while to get up the courage to seek him out. He gets where Carol's coming from, he was acting like an idiot, but that doesn't make this any easier on him. He wants to clear the air, the last thing he wants is for Rick to blame himself and feel like he's done something wrong, but he doesn't even know where to start. There's so much going through his head, most of it fueled by the fears he still has about his past, and he doesn't want to scare Rick off. He knows that's irrational, Rick doesn't scare easily, but he can't help it and it's a big part of his hesitance.

More than anything though, Daryl has to admit, he's afraid of sounding like a wimp, of Rick looking down at him because of his insecurities. He's supposed to be this constant presence of strength, he's not supposed to be scared of anything, and he's nervous about admitting that's not the case at all, even if it's just too Rick. Daryl doesn't scare easy, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have fears. He's afraid of losing their home, of losing more people, of losing the relationship he has with this group, but more than anything he's afraid of his past, still after all these years, and he doesn't like to think about what that says about him. Daryl is strong, he'll kill walkers and people alike without hesitating, but he's still afraid of something that happened to him nearly twenty years ago, something that still affects him today.

Finally, after Daryl walks the halls a few times thinking about what he's going to say, he makes his way towards Rick's cell, hoping he's there alone. The last thing he wants to do right now is deal with more people. He reaches Rick's cell and hesitates outside the makeshift blanket-door, he hasn't had to worry about knocking in months and isn't sure how he should approach the situation. After a few seconds he decides to play it safe, he's already messed things up enough and he really doesn't want to mess it up even more.

He takes a deep breath before he calls out Rick's name, waiting for a response. It comes almost as soon as Daryl's words leave his mouth and only know does he realize Rick had probably known he was there from the second he showed up. He doesn't miss little things like that, he's too observant, too careful. "Come in," Rick says and Daryl pushes aside the blanket before he steps into the room.

Rick's alone in his cell, sitting on the edge of the bed, and Daryl tries to give him a smile but it comes out more like a grimace than anything. It only takes one look for Daryl to pick up on the fact that Rick's been worrying, his hair is mussed up on one side, the way it gets when he's been nervously running his hands through it, and his fingernails are shorter than they were an hour ago. He's been biting them again. "Hey," Daryl says, voice soft and reserved. Carol had told him just how badly he had screwed up, but he only realizes the extent of the situation when he sees Rick. He feels like an ass.

"Hey," Rick says repeats, voice just as nervous as his is. "Did Carol talk to you?"

Rather than give an answer Daryl just nods, still not sure where he should start this conversation. There's so much that needs to be said, to be explained, and he doesn't know where to begin. Finally he decides to just take the easy route and start off with an apology. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Rick says, the fact that he means it just makes him feel even worse. "I moved to quickly, that's my fault."

"s'really not," Daryl says, honestly. "I ain't never been scared of yer hands, in fact I enjoyed that up 'til the very end." Daryl can feel his cheeks get hot and he turns his head to hide his embarrassment, he hates talking about this shit. He's not good at talking, that's why he shows his emotions with actions and not words, but he knows Rick likes to talk things out and he's willing to try for him. Rick's worth it.

"Then why did you move away?" Rick asks. He's doesn't sound judgey, something that Daryl's grateful for, just curious.

Daryl scratches the back of his neck nervously, he still has no idea what he should say. "I reacted rashly, really didn't think 'bout the situation an' ran away 'cause I was... well I was scared. An' s'not 'cause of yer touch," Daryl says quickly when he sees Rick's confusion. "At least not directly."

He realizes then something he's never realized before, he's never shied away from Rick's touch. Not even back in the beginning, when Daryl didn't know shit about Rick, he wasn't nervous of Rick's touch like he is everyone else's. The only thing he feels when Rick touches him is comfort, and sometimes pleasure but that's an entirely different story. When he jumped away from Rick's hands he wasn't scared of his touch. He was scared of his past, _scared of Rick finding out his past,_ because the last thing he wants is for Rick to look at him any differently, like he's as weak as he feels right now.

"'m not good at this whole... vulnerability thing," Daryl elaborates. "Ya know that, ya get that, an' I've never let anyone get as close as I've let ya. When you, well, felt my scars, I panicked. I reacted on instinct and didn't really think about the situation at hand."

"I moved to quickly," Rick says, looking up at Daryl. The guilt in his eyes kills Daryl and makes him feel like an even bigger asshole. He hadn't thought rationally about what Rick would think, he'd got caught up in his panic and jumped to an irrational conclusion, and despite what Rick says that's his fault. "I got lost in the moment and did something you weren't comfortable with, for that I'm really sorry." 

"s'not yer fault," Daryl says, hesitantly moving to sit next to Rick. "Really. It ain't yer touch that made me jump away, it was the implications of what that means. I know ya felt scars on my back, they're everywhere. Ya know I don't have a good past, but we ain't ever talked about the details and I guess I just thought that if ya knew everything ya wouldn't want me anymore." Daryl realizes how stupid that is now that he's laid it out on the table and he feels like slapping himself for being an idiot. Rick's not the kind of person to drop him because things get tough, he's not like that. Daryl's insecurities cloud his immediate judgement and he hates it.

"I shouldn't have jumped the gun and assumed the worst of ya," Daryl says, because that's exactly what he had done. Assumed the worst of Rick. "That's... well that's just me, I guess, an' unfortunately I don't see that changin' anytime soon. Not that I'm always gonna assume the worst of ya, I know yer not like that. BU5 I jump the gun a lot, react on instinct without thinkin' 'bout it first. I've never been very confident and we've never talked 'bout my past, at least not in full, so when yer hands brushed over my scars I just... reacted badly. I'm sorry."

"I like you, Daryl, you know that," Rick says, taking Daryl's hand in his. Daryl would never admit it but having Rick's hand in his makes him feel better, calmer, like all his nerves had melted away. It's cheesy and sappy but it's the truth. Rick, unlike anyone else, not even Carol, has that affect on him. He hasn't decided how he feels about that yet but right now he welcomes the feeling. "I love you and the fact that you have a shitty past isn't going to change that, nothing will ever change that. I don't know the story behind the scars on your back and that's okay, you'll tell me when you're ready. This is all new to you, I'm not going to judge you or blame you for simply reacting. That's you, and I love you."

Daryl feels his cheeks get hot once again, he loves Rick and he knows Rick knows that. So he's going to change the subject before he does something embarrassing, like actually full on blush. "Not yet," Daryl says, he wants to tell Rick everything but he's not ready for that yet. And that's more about Daryl than it is about Rick. "But soon, if that's okay."

"Of course it is," Rick says, worry melting away in both of them. They both had assumed they had fucked up this relationship, it's good to know that they're both just idiots.

Daryl laughs suddenly and rests his face against Rick's shoulder, inhaling the scent he loves so much. "Maybe we could go back ta what we were doin' before?" Daryl asks, sly grin on his face.

Rick just laughs and pulls Daryl down on top of him. Daryl's not perfect, nobody ever will be, and Rick understands he has to go slow. But right now all he wants is for Daryl to know just how desirable he is, scars and all

Soon enough the both of them are lost in each other's tongues. Their slight misunderstanding is completely forgotten as their worries melt away, replaced with nothing but pleasure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/starkidjoshler)


	7. The Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Judith has a nightmare when Rick is away and Daryl isn't sure how to proceed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the layout for this "lesson" is going to be slightly different than the layout of every other one but it should still fit nicely with the story.

Daryl wakes to the sound of footsteps heading towards him and a voice softly calling his name. He jolts awake, one hand quickly grasping the knife he keeps under the pillow while the other one reaches towards his crossbow, and immediately scans the room for any sign of danger. He’s always been a light sleeper, something that goes hand in hand with the need to be on constant alert, and thankfully that’s never going to change. He’d rather be cautious and alive than relaxed and dead. Logically he knows there can’t possibly be an immediate threat, a walker or someone intent on killing him wouldn’t call out his name and if there were an emergency whoever was waking him wouldn’t be so calm, but he can’t shake instinct.

He panics slightly when he can’t sense Rick’s presence beside him, mind jumping to horrible conclusions each more gruesome than the next, but then he remembers Rick had gone on a run with Glenn and won’t be back until sometime tomorrow. Daryl was originally scheduled to go with Glenn, the two of them make a fantastic team, but he had twisted his ankle not long before they were supposed to leave. Rick and he had argued for a few minutes, he didn't want Daryl leaving when he was injured like that, and had even gotten Hershel in on it as well. He won, like usual, and Rick had volunteered in his place.

His eyes take a second to adjust to the darkness, there’s a small ray of moonlight filtering in through the nearby window but it isn’t much and hardly brings any light into the dank cell. Once his eyes adjust slightly he can make out a shadowy figure, about three feet tall standing directly next to him, and realizes it’s only Judith.

“Hey kid,” Daryl says, his instinct to protect what's his slowly morphing into concern for Judith, as he drops the knife and sits up. “What're you doing up?”

“I had a nightmare,” Judith says softly, clutching at the stuffed animal Glenn had found for her not that long ago. She looks nervous, like she isn't sure what she's supposed to do and think she might get in trouble for this.

“Oh sweetie,” Daryl says, scooping Judith up and sitting her down on his lap. She instantly leans into him, wrapping her arms around his neck tightly, before she buries her head in his chest. “It was jus’ a dream, nothing to worry 'bout.”

He can tell his reassurances are already falling flat, it doesn’t matter what he says right now it won’t take her fears away. He’s had enough nightmares, especially at her age, to understand that and no matter how hard he wants to he can't just bat them away. Judith has a lot of nightmares, not surprising with the world they currently live in, and usually ends up sleeping with him and Rick at least once a month. Sometimes talking helps, other times she just wants to go back to bed. It all depends on how tired she is and what the nightmare had been about.

He's not sure what he's supposed to be doing though, Daryl's never had to take care of this situation on his own. It's always been Rick, with Daryl watching for a cue that he's needed. Rick's the parent, he makes all the decisions, Daryl's just the support beam. The last thing he wants to do is overstep his boundaries, he and Rick have never really talked about what role he plays in Judith and Carl's lives and he's terrified he's going to mess something up. But Judith is obviously terrified and had come to him for reassurance, he'd never forgive himself for turning her away simply because he didn't know what to do and decides he'll do whatever needs to be done to take care of her.

"You wanna talk 'bout it?" Daryl says after a few seconds of debating with himself on what to say.

Judith's quiet for a few minutes and Daryl starts to think she had already fallen back asleep when she speaks again. "Daddy didn't come home." Her voice soft, softer than he's ever heard her speak, and he can tell she's fighting back tears.

Daryl tries not to show how much that sentence affects him, he doesn't want to scare Judith even more than she already is. Rick leaving on this run has brought out an intense fear in him that he won't make it back, especially since it's been so long since he's gone on a run. He knows Rick can take care of himself, that man is one of the strongest people he's ever met and has beaten impossible odds, they all have, but that doesn't stop the worry he feels. Things happen, unpreventable things, and the truth is there's a big chance that Rick isn't going to make it back. 

"Your Daddy is strong, Jude," Daryl says, "he'll make it back, he always does."

"But what if he doesn't?" she says. Her face is pressed against his chest and every word she speaks is muffled, but he's sure he can make out the words just fine.

"He's going to make it back," Daryl says again, trying his damnedest to make it as convincing as possible. "He's strong baby, and he's got Glenn to take care of him. Glenn is an expert at runs. He’s not going to let anything happen to Daddy."

Judith doesn't say anything and Daryl knows she's not entirely convinced. She's only five but she knows very well that accidents happen and people die, no matter how hard he and everyone else at the prison have tried to keep that truth from her. She's seen people go on runs before and not come back and she'll keep worrying about Rick until he comes home. 

"Why don't you try to get some sleep?" Daryl suggests, brushing her hair out of her eyes. "Your Daddy will be home tomorrow, I promise you."

“Okay but can I sleep with you tonight?” Judith asks, pulling back to look at him. “Please.”

Daryl knows right then and there that he’ll never be able to deny this lil’ girl anything, ‘specially not the ability to sleep with him when she’s had a bad dream. All she ever has to do is look at him with those eyes, eyes that are so much like Rick's it’s almost unnatural, and ask. He'll give her pretty much anything she wants. 

“‘Course,” Daryl says, kissing the top of her head. "You can always come to me when you need help kid, I'm never going to turn you away."

He lays back down, moves over so there’s enough room for Judith to lay down next to him, and pulls back the covers so that Judith can crawl under them. Judith slips in beside him, pulls the covers up over her, and curls herself as close to Daryl’s body as she can. She rests one hand on Daryl’s neck, curls the other one in the front of his shirt, and buries her face in his collar bone. Not even five minutes later her grip relaxes slightly and the sound of her soft snoring can be heard.

Daryl’s afraid to move, he doesn’t want to wake her up and with the way she’s positioned against him that wouldn’t be hard. He lays as still as he can until he’s sure Judith is in a deep enough sleep. He waits ten minutes before he lets himself relax and shift around slightly so the both of them are a bit more comfortable. With Judith safe and taken care of he finds himself fast asleep in a matter of seconds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/starkidjoshler)


	8. Hershel and the Art of Parenting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Hershel points out the obvious and Daryl refuses medical help because let's face it, he's an idiot.

The next day Daryl hears the sound of quiet footsteps coming into his cell and he’s awake in a second. A small feeling of panic rises in him, as it does every time he’s startled by an unexpected noise, which dissipates the second he realizes the person in his cell is just Rick. The footsteps are familiar, as is the shadow he paints on the wall in the morning light, he'd recognize the man anywhere.

“Yer home early,” Daryl says softly, carefully maneuvering out from underneath Judith’s grip so as not to wake her. He walks towards Rick, momentarily forgetting how bad his ankle actually hurts, and tries to hide it with a conspicuous limp and twitchy smile that is really more like a small trip and a grimace than anything. The last thing he wants is to prove to Rick just how bad his ankle is, he hates when he's right.

Rick, of course, isn’t fooled by Daryl’s show but he saves his comments for a later time, his mind is a little preoccupied with something else at the moment. “Yeah, run didn’t last as long as we thought it would. We found everything we needed pretty damn quickly so we decided to just come home a little early.” Rick runs a hand down Daryl’s arm, his way of letting him know that everything is okay with him and making sure that everything is okay with Daryl. Nothing gives Rick the information he needs more so than his gentle touch.

“Somethin’ wrong with Judith?” Rick asks, voice quiet so as not to wake up Judith, changing the subject slightly. He seems worried, but not angry Daryl had stepped up. He figures it's a good place to start.

“Oh,” Daryl says, stepping towards the bed so he can pull the blanket up so it covers Judith better, slightly nervous. “Judith had a nightmare, got scared and asked if she could sleep with me. I couldn't just tell her no.”

“That’s adorable,” Rick says with a smile, no hints of sarcasm whatsoever. He steps closer towards Daryl and presses his lips against his. “Thank you, for being there for her when I couldn’t be. I really appreciate it.”

“We both know she’s got me wrapped around her little finger,” Daryl says, relaxing completely for the first time since last night. He takes a hold of Rick’s arm and gently pulls him out of the cell. “I’d do anything for her, you know that.”

Rick nods and follows Daryl out of their cell, leaving Judith to sleep peacefully without the threat of them waking her up. Daryl tries to walk like he normally would, but every step of his sends pain shooting up his entire leg and he can’t help but limp slightly. Most people wouldn’t have noticed it, the change in his gait was that subtle, but Rick’s not most people and he notices it. Must be all those years of being a cop, or maybe he's just well versed in everything that concerns Daryl.

“Let’s not act like your ankle isn’t killing you, Daryl,” he says, stopping in the middle of the walkway with a hand on Daryl’s shoulder. “You need to have Hershel look at it for you, don’t even try to weasel your way out of it because I’m not going to let you. There’s nothing wrong with having him look at it, it won't kill you.”

Daryl opens his mouth to argue but Rick puts a finger over his lips and shakes his head. “Daryl your ankle is killing you, there’s no reason for you to be in pain if Hershel can do something about it. It takes less than five minutes to have him look at it, I don’t want you doing more damage simply because you refuse to admit you need help. That would be incredibly stupid.”

Daryl glares half-heartedly at Rick and swats his finger away from his face. “Fine, but I’m just going for a quick once over. That’s it.”

“That’s all I ask,” Rick says, kissing Daryl before he turns towards the door that leads out towards his garden. “Come find me when you’re done, yeah?”

Daryl nods and watches him walk outside for a few seconds before he grudgingly sets out to find Hershel.

* * *

Daryl sits down in front of Hershel on a bench in their makeshift medical room and lets the older man pull his foot into his lap. He bites his tongue and does his best to hide the pain he feels as Hershel pokes and prods at his appendage, though he’s pretty sure he’s not fooling anyone. Hershel knows Daryl well enough to read him.

“Well,” Hershel says, after a few minutes of poking and twisting his ankle in various directions, “I don’t think it’s broken, though with all this swelling I can’t really be sure. The best I can do for you is wrap it up tightly and secure it in a brace. You’ll have to let me examine it again in a few days once the swelling goes down to be sure, but until then there’s not much I can do. Try to keep it elevated and don't put so much pressure on it.”

“Thanks, Hershel,” Daryl says, rubbing at his sore ankle as Hershel rummages through a cupboard for supplies.

“You look like you need to talk,” Hershel says once he sits back down and begins dressing Daryl’s ankle. "My ears are always open."

Daryl shrugs and shifts his eyes towards the wall of cabinets directly behind Hershel, trying to divert his attention to something other than his probing question. Hershel has this knack for knowing when someone needs to talk, it’s actually creepy how accurate it is, and he’s usually able to get people who didn’t even know they had something on their mind to start talking.

“Not much has happened lately,” Daryl says, struck by how much it sounds like he’s talking to shrink. It’s not until Hershel says something that Daryl realizes there is something on his mind, something he’s not really sure how he should handle yet, and he silently curses how accurate the old man can be.

“Ha,” Hershel says, scoffing. “I raised teenagers, I know a lie when I see one. You’re lying through your teeth, boy. I can read you like a book Daryl, something’s bothering you. Go on, it’s just us here.”

"Fine,” Daryl says, huffing slightly under his breath. He knows Hershel’s just going to stare at him with that all-knowing gaze until he actually opens up, he might as well just come out with it anyway. “Judith had a nightmare last night and came and slept in my bed.”

“Oh?” Hershel inquires, rolling Daryl’s pant leg up so he can access more of his ankle before he starts to wind the brown ace-bandage around it.

“She was scared, I couldn’t just say 'sorry your Dad isn’t here you’ll have to go back to bed on your own'." Daryl says, frowning. “I couldn’t do that to her. But when Rick got in from his run this morning he didn’t make a big deal about it.”

“You thought that he'd be mad. Does the fact he wasn't surprise you?” Hershel asks, slowly wrapping the bandage around Daryl’s foot. Daryl can tell he’s going slower than is really necessary, probably so Daryl has enough time to actually talk to him, but he doesn’t mention it.

Daryl thinks about it for a few seconds before he decides that no, Rick’s reaction isn’t really surprising to him. Sure, he was kind of worried about Rick thinking Daryl was trying to replace him last night. However, their group is an incredibly tight-knit community. They help out, take turns doing jobs based on who’s available at what time, wherever their needed no matter who it concerns or what the job actually entails. Beth takes care of Judith a lot during the day, but Rick doesn’t worry about her trying to take the place of Lori. Why would it be any different for Daryl?

“No,” Daryl admits finally, worrying his lips between his teeth. “Not really.”

“Then what were you worried about,” Hershel asks, looking up to meet Daryl’s eyes, “if it’s not about Rick’s reaction?”

“I love those kids,” Daryl starts off, trying to gather his thoughts. “I mean, Carl and Judith are everythin’ to me and I would never deny them anythin’ if they asked for it. But, I guess when its Rick making the decisions I don’t have to worry about fuckin’ somethin’ up. I jus’ have to stand there, watch what Rick’s doin’, and step in when needed. I can do that, s’easy.”

“But it’s different when Rick’s not there,” Hershel says, sounding like he knows where Daryl is going with this conversation. “It’s different when you’re making the decisions.”

“Yeah,” Daryl timidly admits. “I mean, my Dad s’not exactly the best role model. He fucked me up in ways I can’t even talk ‘bout so I don’t really have a good track record. I love them, but I don’ know the firs’ thing ‘bout takin’ care a’ them. I mean, I get all my cues from Rick and I’m fine with that. I don’ mind takin’ on a more… parental role when it comes to Judith, she’s got me wrapped so tight ‘round her finger I’d give her jus’ ‘bout anythin’. But last night, it was all me. I made the decisions, I had to decide what to do, and I don’t know the firs’ thing ‘about being a parent. I jus’ don’ wanna screw somethin’ up, you know?”

“You know what the most important thing about being a father is?” Hershel asks, focusing all his attention on Daryl for the time being. “Just being there. People make mistakes, maybe you’ll make a bad decision and you’ll learn in time that that’s okay. Parenting is hard, there’s a lot of things you can mess up on, but you can never go wrong with just being there.

“The fact that you took care of her, calmed her down and everything when you didn’t know what to do, speaks volumes about the kind of man you are. You were there for her, and that’s the most important thing you could possible to do,” Hershel says, smiling.

He’s quiet for a few seconds before he speaks again. “You asking me for parenting advice?” Hershel asks and Daryl figures that’s the just of what he’s getting at so he nods his response. “Son, you’ve been taking care of that little girl since the second she was born. You were there for her before anyone, even Rick, and if you think you could ever do wrong you’re sadly mistaken. You stepped up, got her what she needed, and took care of her. You have been doing that all her life. Don’t think so hard about this, don’t get wrapped up in trying to be the best you could possibly be. Because in her eyes, you’re always going to be one of the most important people in her life and nothing short of completely abandoning her is going to change that.”

Daryl’s quiet for a long time, taking in everything that Hershel had to say to him. When he thinks about it like that, he can see where Hershel is coming from and can see the truth in what he has to say. “Thanks,” Daryl says, unable to formulate into words how grateful he is to have someone like Hershel to talk to right now.

Hershel nods and gives him a wink before he quickly finishes up the rest of his bandaging. The two of them descend into comfortable silence for the next minute or two, nothing more needing to be said between them.

It’s not long before Hershel is finished and he gently sets Daryl’s leg back down on the floor. “You need to stay off your ankle as much as possible,” he says, expertly shifting from one topic to the other without breaking a sweat or making Daryl feel uncomfortable. “Is there any way I can get you to use crutches, at least until the swelling goes down some?”

Daryl gives Hershel a pointed look that adequately answers his question and Hershel sighs heavily, not expecting anything different. “Alright,” he continues, “how about getting you to take a pain pill? Just one, it can even be one of our generic Tylenol. There's no reason you should be in pain if it can be taken care of.”

“Not a chance in hell,” Daryl says, experimentally putting some weight down on his injured ankle. He’s pleased to find that the pain isn’t as excruciating as it had been. It still hurts like a bitch but it’s a dull ache he’s familiar with by now, one he can definitely handle. If there’s one thing he knows for certain it’s that he can deal with pain no problem, he doesn't need pain meds to help him out. 

Hershel laughs and shakes his head, walking with Daryl out of the room. “Hershel?” Daryl says softly, tone taking on a serious note. “Thank you, it means a lot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/starkidjoshler)


	9. The Governor and the Art of Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Governor gives Daryl a lesson in fear.

Daryl can honestly say he doesn't scare easily, he's never been afraid of anything (except for maybe his father but that is an entirely different story). After growing up the way he did, there’s only a handful of things, if anything, that truly scare him. Daryl’s a rock of emotional stability, someone who can get himself and others out of any situation without a problem, and it’s one of the things this group counts on the most.

He can usually mask his feelings really well, build a little barrier around what he’s feeling and whatever obstacle him and/or the group is facing at the time, and it’s one of his best qualities. Daryl’s got real talent when it comes to keeping his emotions in check, for the most part at least, which is something that helps when he’s in a tight spot and he needs to think clearly. While his emotional numbness is a problem when it comes to developing relationships, it's great when a level-headed decision needs to be made. The group can always count on him to keep a level head and not freeze up in fear or hesitation, something that’s saved their lives on more than one occasion.

But right now, while he and the rest of the prison are intently listening to Glenn explain what had happened, Daryl’s frozen. He can't think, can't speak, can't move. His brain is mush, veins ice, blood frozen in place; preventing him from doing anything even remotely helpful. It’s like someone has injected a paralytic into his bloodstream that’s currently ravaging every part of his body, making it hard for him to function properly, and Daryl can’t take it. He’s never felt this before, never felt this panicky jolt of fear that spreads through him, and he’s not sure how to process everything that Glenn is saying right.

As his brain starts to register just what the fuck Glenn is trying to tell them, some sense gets knocked into him and Daryl realizes just how terrified he truly is. He’s never felt anything like this, never felt anything even remotely like this, and he doesn’t know what to do, how to act. His chest hurts, the walls tightening by the second until it feels like his heart’s being constricted by a snake. His heartbeat pounds so hard in his chest it actually hurts, throat closing up as he fights to get air to his lungs, and there’s this weird rushing in his ears that makes it hard for him to hear what’s going on around him. The only thought he has, the only thing he can think about, is getting to Rick as soon as possible.

Carol gives him a weird, slightly worried, look, probably wondering just what in the hell happened to him. They don’t need him frozen, mouth gaping, unable to think. They need him to come up with a plan, rally the troops, get their people home; but all he can think is _ricksgonericksgonericksgone._ That’s when he realizes everyone is staring at him, someone must have asked him a question or something but Daryl hadn’t registered it in his mindless haze.

“What do you mean Rick’s gone?” Daryl asks. He’s sure that’s not the answer they were all looking for but it’s the first thing Daryl can think of and the only thing he can force out right now. He tries to hide the terror he’s feeling but he knows it’s pointless, his voice cracks with every word he speaks and it’s got to be obvious to everyone around them that Daryl’s fucking terrified, no matter how good he is at hiding his emotions.

“Not gone,” Glenn says, eyes level with Daryl’s but also unfocused. Almost like he’s in the same haze that Daryl’s in at the moment. “Taken. They got Maggie too.” Somehow Daryl thinks that’s worse. Sure it meant that his people are still alive, and thank God for that, but they have absolutely no way of tracking him down.

Glenn’s paler than Daryl’s ever seen him, eyes wide and blood shot and gaze empty in a way that’s incredibly unusual for the happy-go-lucky Asian. Glenn can’t seem to focus on anything either, he’s completely detached from the situation, like a robot, trying to recite everything that needs to be told while simultaneously trying to deal with the fact that his wife is gone - no, _taken_ – and they have no idea where to start looking for her.

He tries to think about this logically, organize the information into stages of action, most important to least important, but he finds that damn near impossible as the thought of Rick in danger begins to take control of all rational thought. Instead of concentrating on what they should do next, all he can think about is getting to Rick and making the bastard who had taken him pay for fucking with his family. It’s irrational, he knows this, and definitely not the reaction the prison needs right now, but that’s that. “Who?”

“I don’t know,” Glenn says, voice cracking as he tries to regain his composure. “The three of us were out gathering supplies. Everything was going as planned and we were just about to leave when someone showed up, I’m not sure who it was. Rick and Maggie were already outside, loading stuff into the trunk, and I was still inside getting the last of our supplies. I was just about to join them when samurai over here,” Glenn points to the dark skinned chick with the katana slung over her back Daryl had somehow completely miss, “pulled me back. They both were forced into a truck that took off before I could break away from her. I don’t know where they went. I tried to go after them but by the time I’d gotten the car started they were long gone.”

“Woodbury,” the samurai, as Glenn had called her, speaks, resting against the wall. She seems too nonchalant given the circumstance and Daryl can’t decide if he wants to strangle her for it or jump for joy at even the tiniest notion she might know where his people are. “The man who grabbed your people works for the leader of that community, I’m sure of it.”

“And who the hell are you?” Daryl asks, defensive walls flaring up. He bends down in front of her and nearly snarls, all rational thought pushed aside when the people he loves are threatened. Rick and Maggie are his family, and nothing brings out a fiercer reaction in Daryl than when his family is threatened. “Why should we listen to you?”

“I can take you to Woodbury, lead you there and help get your people back,” she says, standing up even though her leg is obviously injured. “I know where it is, know my way around inside as well. I can help.”

Daryl looks at her as he tries to decide what to do. He’s not a leader, he doesn’t like having people look to him for guidance and making decisions. That’s Rick’s forte, something that he was practically born to do, and Daryl has no idea where to even start. Sure Daryl’ll give his input on a given situation, let Rick know what he’s thinking, but he doesn’t make the decisions.

But in this moment he feels everyone’s eyes on him, expecting him to make the decisions and come up with some sort of plan. He’s terrified, not sure what to. Daryl’s mind flicks to Rick, his Rick, and his heart aches. He asks himself ‘what would Rick do’ in this situation, the question helping him get his mind back on track. He needs to get him back, needs to get both of them back. Rick’s the leader, the one everyone looks up to, the man he loves even if he has a hard time showing it. He’d die before he gives up hope of finding his people.

Daryl catches sight of Carl holding Judith, rubbing her back as painful sobs wrack through her. He watches the kid as he tries to conceal the absolute terror thrumming through him and quickly makes a decision. He doesn’t like trusting her, but the samurai is the only hope they have of getting Maggie and Rick back safely. Those kids have already lost so much, they can’t lose anything else and he’ll do anything to make sure they never lose anything again. They can’t afford to lose a parent and Daryl can’t afford to lose Rick.

 “Alright,” Daryl says, running a hand over his face. He seriously hopes he won’t regret this later on down the line. “Tell us everything you know about Woodbury.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/starkidjoshler)


	10. I'm Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Daryl freaks out and Rick calms his fears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As far as the actual mission to get Rick and Maggie back goes, it's pretty much exactly what happened on the show. Except for instead of Glenn it was Rick, Daryl was never captured at the end, and Merle wasn't at Woodbury. I just didn't really want to add him to this story.

Michonne had been able to get them into Woodbury with relative ease, and, even though she had disappeared to who fucking knows once they had gotten their people, he’s glad they had stumbled upon her. Her knowledge of the camp is the only thing that had gotten them in and out without a hitch and he’d be forever thankful she had decided to help them, even if her motives are still unclear, whether or not he actually admits it or not. Not to mention without her they wouldn't even know where to begin looking for Rick and Maggie. He knows she had had her own reasons for helping them, reasons that she still didn’t want to tell them, but he doesn’t really care about that right now. Everyone's got secrets, Daryl knows that better than anyone, and he'll respect hers unless they start to threaten the well-being of his people. None of that matters. The only thing that matters is that the prison had gotten their people back and she hadn't led them into a trap, the grimy details don't matter with success like that.

Getting their people back was a lot easier than it probably should have been, Daryl admits, and there’s a small part of him that has a hard time believing it had really been that easy. Some sneaky maneuvering on their part, a few smoke bombs, and a small amount of gun-power was  all it took to get their people back. Turns out they had gotten there just in time, Maggie and Rick were just about to be executed when they found them, and after that getting them out was a piece of cake despite the fact that Rick could barely walk. However, things are never easy for them. Every time they catch a break, something shitty comes in to ruin it and he figures the worst is yet to come. He knows they’ll have to deal with Woodbury sooner or later, but right now he just wants to relish in the peace that only Rick’s safety can bring him.

The attack on Woodbury, if it could even be called that, had been quick and disorienting. Everything happened so fast, one second they’re shooting and gassing up the place and the next they’re in their car heading back towards the prison, and Daryl hasn't really taken the time to process everything that happened. The group had to narrow their focus to one thing at a time if they were going to get themselves and their people out of there in one piece, thinking in stages of action. He and Glenn had taken point on the operation, for obvious reasons, and the only thing they could think about was getting their people home safe. Because of this, Daryl hadn’t really gotten a good look at Rick and Maggie. He made sure they didn't have any life-threatening injuries and then shifted his focus to getting them home safe. He’s high on adrenaline and the fear that’s been pumping through his veins since he had heard about Maggie and Rick’s kidnapping, unable to calm himself down and acknowledge anything other than  _ineedtogetthemhomeandsafe_ and _icantfocusonanythingelseuntilwereallhome._

It’s not until after they’ve made it home in one piece, until he and Rick are alone in their cell with no outside influences, that Daryl is able to make himself calm down long enough to actually look at Rick. His adrenaline high is gone, along with that mind-crippling fear he had felt, and now all he can think about is making sure Rick is safe and unharmed. Daryl had to push back his fears in order to get his people back, only allowing logical planning to take place in a head that’s riddled with a fearful haze. But now that Rick is safe and Daryl's no longer doped up on his need to get his people home, everything comes crashing down and all he can think about is the fact that Rick might be seriously hurt and Daryl had overlooked it.

So as soon as the two of them are alone in their cell, blanket over their door drawn shut for privacy, Daryl looks at him with crazed eyes, gaze swooping quickly over every inch of him as if to make sure he’s truly okay like he says he is. Daryl's eyes take in his bruised face and split lip, and Daryl finds it hard to control himself as he realizes the extent of Rick’s injuries. He's covered in blood, his right eye swollen shut, most of which seems to be from his nose. The bastards had really done a number on him, trying to get him to give up the location of his people, and Daryl finds a spike of anger drive through him. Now that Rick and Maggie are safe and he doesn't have to worry about what's happening to them, his fear has been replaced with anger and he has half a mind to return to Woodbury and make them all pay for what they’ve done to his people.

Daryl can tell Rick is starting to get uncomfortable with his intense scrutiny, shifting every so often as Daryl's gaze gets more intense. Daryl can tell Rick is starting to feel like he’s under a microscope, as if he were some tiny micro-organism under inspection, and the situation is starting to make Rick a little unnerved. Daryl can’t help it though, he needs to see for himself that Rick is as okay as he claims he is. Rick had stubbornly refused to let Hershel look him over, claiming that he was absolutely fine, and Daryl, being just as stubborn as Rick, had forced Rick to at least let him look over his injuries - hence the reason they're currently alone in their cell. Daryl already feels like he had failed Maggie and Rick, they weren’t even supposed to have been on that run, and he can’t help but feel like this is all his fault.

“Daryl,” Rick says, trying to get the other man’s attention. Daryl can tell that Rick is saying something but he’s not really listening, too busy trying to dissect every inch of Rick’s form.

“Babe,” Rick tries again, hoping that the unusual pet name will spark some kind of reaction in him, as he lets his fingers stroke over Daryl’s stubble-covered cheek. He lifts Daryl’s face up, forcing him to meet his eyes, hoping to calm him down. The pet name and soft touch help ground Daryl, and he lets his hand rest atop Rick’s as the fear he's feeling starts to dissipate.

“I’m fine, see,” Rick steps back, holding out his arms as he slowly spins, so that Daryl can get a better look at him. “I’m okay, a little banged up but overall I’m fine. I'm not going to die, at least not today. Now, you need to calm down. Me and Maggie are safe, everyone we love is safe, okay?”

“Okay,” Daryl says, taking a deep breath. He knows Rick is okay, if there was a serious injury he'd let Hershel help him out, but there’s still a small part of him that feels a little skeptical and also a little guilty. “Okay.”

Suddenly Rick takes a step towards Daryl and wraps his arms around him, hugging him tightly. Daryl's startled for a second, not expecting the sudden hug, but quickly relaxes and wraps his arms around Rick. Daryl lets himself lean against Rick, hands fisting in the back of his shirt as he lets himself breath in everything that is Rick Grimes. He had been so close to losing him, losing two of the most important people in his life if he's being honest, and he’d be lying if he said he’s totally okay now that Rick is home.

“You scared me,” Daryl admits after a while, voice so soft he’s not even sure Rick can hear him. “I've never been that scared before in my life. I didn’t think you were gonna make it home.”

“Yeah,” Rick says, kissing Daryl’s shoulder. “I know.” He doesn't try to reassure Daryl, tell him that he's not going anywhere, because that's not true. Daryl’s not naïve, neither is Rick. He knows one day Rick’s going to die, most likely sooner rather than later, and there’s nothing that can prepare him for that inevitable turn of events. He’ll just have to enjoy the time he gets with him and do whatever it takes to prolong his life as much as possible, quietly hoping he dies before he has to experience Rick's death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/starkidjoshler)


	11. Glenn and the Art of Proposing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Glenn gives Daryl a lesson in proposing.

Ever since he was a little kid Daryl never thought he'd be the marrying type. It involved everything that he hated about relationships: commitment, intimacy, people in general. Nothing about the idea appealed to him and he knew he would always be content when it came to be alone for the rest of his life. He didn’t need a romantic connection to get him through the day and marriage had never meant anything to him so he was alright. Besides, he's never seen it as this beautiful union between people like most others seemingly saw it as. To him, it's always been an unnecessary waste of time.

His parents' marriage was a sham, half the time they couldn't stand the sight of each other, and Daryl honestly believes they only stayed together because they were too broke to live on their own. They definitely didn’t stay together because they loved each other and neither one of them really cared about either one of their kids. They never seemed to like each other and the only time Daryl had ever seen them positively interact was when they were drunk/high and horny. They fought 24/7 and Daryl learned pretty early on that the idea of marriage was something he didn't want.

Not to mention Daryl had never liked many people. Though it was most likely a combination of the two, he'll never know if his aversion to touch stemmed from his father's abuse or the fact that he just generally had no interest in talking and interacting with people whatsoever. People were petty, annoying, immature. They complained over the most trivial things, like if people thought they were the ugly friend, while Daryl struggled just to survive in a house were his Daddy’s belt and his back had some kind of intimate relationship.

Merle had once told him he'd never get married because he didn't want to be tied down and hated the idea of boring married sex. Daryl couldn’t help but agree. He'd never been into sex, he could hardly stand the touch of anyone no matter who it was and adding the pressure of performing well just ruined the entire experience for him, but he definitely didn't like the idea of being tied down. Daryl liked his freedom, making his own rules, and couldn't imagine being with someone who tried to tell him what he should and should not do.

Romance had never been a factor of his life, relationships definitely weren't his thing, and Daryl was honestly content with being alone. He didn't have much of a sex drive, he never felt the need to be comforted, and the idea of being tied down to anyone made him uncontrollably nauseous. He wasn’t a relationship person and nothing made him more content than his social avoidance.

That all changed when he met Rick though. Rick with his gentle hands and kind heart and beautiful eyes. Rick with what others called his "Daryl insight" and incredible patience. Rick with his fierce protectiveness, the kind of trait that meant he'd fucking kill anyone who even thought about touching his family, and independence. Rick and those kids of his, the kids that had latched onto him and believed in him and made him feel worthy enough of their love.

With them, Daryl had a reason to stay. With them, Daryl had a reason to continue on. With them, Daryl had a reason to want to be tied them. With them, and really the entire prison, Daryl had a family. And that made everything worthwhile.

He could see himself spending the rest of his life with Rick, helping to raise Judith and Carl as long as he possibly could. And fuck if that wasn’t a foreign concept. He could see him and Rick together, side by side, like they were meant to be until they inevitably died (most likely sooner than later). He could see him and Rick getting married, as lame as that sounded, and the thought actually made Daryl smile some.

This is all sparked when he and Glenn are on a run, searching for some much needed supplies, and he comes across a tiny box with two silver wedding bans stashed in the back of a cracked safe. He spends a few minutes just staring at them, contemplating the thought of actually giving one to Rick, before he picks one up to examine it more closely. It’s a simple design, just a circle of silver just large enough to put on his finger, and Daryl instantly feels some kind of weird connection brewing within him.

Did he want to propose to Rick? His first instinct was yes and that scares him more than he's willing to admit. 

Glenn finds him a little over ten minutes later in the middle of the back bedroom, fiddling with the rings in his hand as he continued his contemplation. "Thinking about giving that to Rick?" Glenn says, leaning up against the door jam. His voice is nonjudgmental, neutral, but it still makes Daryl’s cheeks heat up slightly from embarrassment.

Daryl jumps slightly, not expecting the sudden voice, but easily conceals it with a shrug. "I ain't really the marryin’ type, never have been. I mean, could you see me marryin’?" Daryl scoffs, shaking his head with a smile on his face that doesn’t quite meet his eyes. After all, he doesn't want to ruin his tough guy exterior but he knows if he comes off as completely indifferent Glenn will see right through him. "Nah, it ain't for me."

"I can see it," Glenn says, slight smile on his face, as he nods towards the rings in Daryl’s palm. "You and Rick. You've been together for years now, you both love each other, and you just kind of fit together perfectly. I have never met two people more in sync than the two of you, not even me and Maggie have that."

"Ya think?" Daryl says, still trying to play it off as if he doesn't care while inside he's an emotional blob of _whatthefuckisthisnewfoundfeeling_.

"Definitely," Glenn reiterates. “You love Rick, he loves you. That’s about all you need to take into consideration.”

"How would I even go about that?" Daryl says, glancing over at Glenn out of the corner of his eye. “Hypothetically, of course. I mean, we ain't exactly the cheesy type. I don’ need to profess my undying love to him, he knows how I feel, and a ring ain’t gonna change any a’ that."

"It doesn't have to be like that," Glenn says. "Cheesy I mean. Proposing is different for everyone, you just gotta make it your own. You know Rick better than anyone, you know what makes him tick. I can't tell you what to do, that's on you. But I will tell you I think marriage suits you better than you think."

"Maybe," Daryl says, coughing before he takes a step towards the door which effectively drops the subject. "We should probably go, it's getting’ late and we've got a while to travel still. Don’ want the prison worrying."

"Alright," Glenn says, following Daryl out of the room. If he sees Daryl pocket the box with the rings be doesn't say anything, this’ll just be their little secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/starkidjoshler)


	12. The Mostly Symbolic Rings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Daryl proposes in true Daryl fashion, without saying a word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As of now, this fic is technically complete. I've finished the original ideas I had for this fic, though I have more ideas that I will eventually pick up in a sequel, and am going to call it quits for now. I've been thinking about doing different fics for each home they've had (i.e. this one was about the prison and the next one could be about the road to Terminus). I could even go back and do the quarry and the farm as well, really the possibilities are endless. Let me know what you think about the potential for sequels and as always, I'm always open to suggestions. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has commented and given this fic kudos, especially those who have been here since I first posted this, you guys are absolutely fantastic. It's weird to think that I posted this a year ago and it's finally coming to an end, but I do hope you enjoy the last chapter

Daryl thinks about how he should ask Rick to marry him for weeks before he finally makes a decision. It's weird, Daryl's never been that much of an over thinker. He's rather impulsive, most of his decisions are made in a matter of seconds, and he's never been a fan of dragging things out. In a way the fact that he’s willing to sit down and really think about this is a testament to just how much he wants to make it to happen. It’s no secret that Daryl is emotionally closed off, he hates showing his feelings more than anything. He had almost never taken a chance with Rick because of it, even though Rick is easily the best damn thing to happen to him, and he's hoping this display will help him show Rick just how important he is to him.

This step is huge for him, Daryl has never seen himself as the marrying type and still thinks getting hitched is practically pointless during the apocalypse, and he wants to do it right. He knows nothing they do is going to be legal, none of his people are actually ordained ministers and gay marriage would never be legalized in Georgia, but that doesn’t matter to him. He’s not really doing this for the legalization of it, to him it’s more of a symbolic thing, and he doesn't care about the technical outcome of it all.

Daryl’s never been good with words, he can hardly choke out an ‘I love you’ to the man he’d die for in a heartbeat, and there’s no better way to show how he feels than by proposing. He’s not sure how Rick’s going to feel about it, given his last marriage was an absolute train wreck, but considering this is technically just Daryl presenting Rick with a token of their love he’s hoping he’ll be okay with it. He's not asking for a ceremony, he's not asking for any sort of representation, all he's doing is presenting the man he loves with a ring. What happens after that doesn't really matter to him, the symbolic meaning behind giving him a ring is all he really cares about.

If only he could decide on how he wants to do it. Daryl doesn't like all the frilly shit that's intended to make things more meaningful, he wants to get to the point right away without all the extra dressings, and he knows Rick’s the same way. They’re both way too masculine to fret about the romance and context of the situation, in other words they care about the intended act and not the way it’s presented.

Daryl hates beating around the bush, so he decides the best way to propose to Rick is to not _actually_ propose. Rick and him aren't really the romantic type, hell they hardly ever talk about their actual emotions, and don't really care for any extra displays of affection. They don't need to get mushy in order to relay their feelings and neither one of them would actually care for a romantic proposal. They don't have time for that kind of shit, not when there's people feed and a prison to protect, and are much more comfortable with just taking in the situation itself.

The thought of doing something romantic in a big display of affection, especially given the fact that there’s always people around, makes him want to throw up. He knows that act will make him look vulnerable and that vulnerability is not something he ever wants anyone, except for maybe Rick, to see. The old proverb “keep it simple stupid” plays through his head as he comes up with the perfect way to propose to Rick.

* * *

Daryl is nervous, there’s no way he’d be able to deny that fact, as he takes a deep breath and prepares himself for what he’s about to do. He slips the ring on and unconsciously twists it around his finger before he grips the matching ring tightly in his fist and sets out to find Rick.

After searching throughout the prison for him he finally finds him alone, surprising as that is, eating at a table in their makeshift pavilion. He’s not sure where everyone else is, usually Rick is surrounded by people who need his attention, but he’s glad there’s no one there. There’s no way in hell he’d be able to do this in front of others, no matter who they are, and Rick’s solitude calms a few of Daryl’s fears.

He sits down across from Rick with a smile on his face, making sure the ring on his finger and the ring in his hand are both concealed. He doesn’t want Rick catching sight of them and ruining what he’s trying to accomplish.

“Hey,” Daryl says with a dry smile that probably seems forced. He’s not sure if Rick had picked up on his weird expression or not but, considering he doesn’t say anything, at least he’s not bringing it up. Daryl doesn’t think he could come up with a good enough excuse without ruining what he had planned.

“Hey, babe,” Rick says, smiling when Daryl sits down across from him, “what are you doing?”

Daryl shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly. “Not much, jus' wanted ta spend some time with ya while there’s nobody 'round to bug us.”

Rick smiles at that and soon enough the two of them descend into comfortable conversation. Rick has always had this amazing effect on Daryl, he can make him feel comfortable in any situation whatsoever, and the longer they talk the easier it is for Daryl to do what he had intended to do. He’s no longer nervous or worried about making sure everything goes smoothly, instead he’s more focused on just being there with the man he loves, and their time together affirms something he had already known. He really loves Rick and he really wants to marry him, even if nothing is official.

Eventually their peaceful quiet is interrupted by Zach, who comes to tell him the group scheduled to go on a run today is getting ready to leave, and Daryl’s brutally snapped back to the present. “Alright,” Daryl says with a slight sigh, “Meet ya at tha gate in a sec.”

Zach nods before he retreats once more, leaving Rick and Daryl alone in relative silence. “I need to be going too,” Rick says standing up with his empty bowl, “I’m sure there’s people looking for me somewhere.”

Daryl nods and stands up with him, heart pounding so hard he can barely hear his own thoughts. That comfortable ease he had been feeling with Rick's easy presence is gone now that he's about to suggest marriage and Daryl can already feel his palms start to sweat. “Alright,” Daryl says, stepping around the table so he and Rick are face to face. “Love ya, I’ll see ya when I get back in a couple a'days.”

Rick leans in to kiss Daryl, like he always does before they’re about to part, but Daryl changes it up a bit. As they kiss he slips the ring he had been hiding into Rick’s hand and, as they pull away, Daryl makes sure to lift his hand up enough so that Rick can clearly see the matching ring on his finger.

He doesn’t comment on what had just transpired, only turns away and heads for the front gate with a wave over his head. Once he’s facing away from Rick Daryl can’t help the smile that passes over his face. It’s a weird feeling, one he’s definitely never experienced before, and his level of contentment is unbelievable. But, despite the fact that what had just happened feels more right than anything Daryl has ever done before, because he had walked off before Rick could say anything about the ring he’s left wondering if Rick feels the same way he does.

* * *

Daryl gets back from his run in the middle of the night two days later. It had been a close call for them but Zack, who had a shelf knocked over on him by a heard they hadn't seen coming, should fully recover from his injury. It is much later than they had intended to return, if Zack hadn’t needed Hershel so badly they probably would have found somewhere to crash for the night, and most of the prison has already been asleep for hours.

Daryl fumbles his way to his and Rick’s cell and, after kicking off his shoes and shucking his jacket, carefully crawls into bed with Rick. His intention had been to not wake him up, but Rick’s a light sleeper and that’s pretty much impossible to achieve.

“Hey,” Rick says quietly after Daryl’s all settled. He rolls over onto his side and, as he always does, quickly scans Daryl’s body for any obvious injuries before he fully relaxes. Rick's never satisfied until he's at least relatively sure Daryl's okay. “Missed you.”

Daryl hums in agreement, leaning down to sleepily press his lips against Rick’s. It takes him a second to make contact with how dark it is in their cell but they manage.

“You look so tired,” Rick says again, voice as soft as possible, as he leans his forehead against Daryl’s.

“Ya can’t even see me,” Daryl says with a chuckle, “it’s too dark for 'at.”

“I know,” Rick says, brushing the back of his hand across Daryl’s cheek, "but I can still tell you're tired."

In Daryl's exhaustive state, he had completely forgotten he had given Rick a ring before he left for his run. Now Daryl can’t help but notice the unmistakable feel of cold metal wrapped around on one of Rick's fingers as his hand brushes across his skin.

The subtle contact makes Daryl smile and he knows it’s Rick’s way of accepting his “proposal” and, even though he knows they're going to have to talk about what this means later on, he knows the two of them are going to be just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/starkidjoshler)


End file.
